


Afterlife Aftermath

by theskullofhorror666



Category: Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)
Genre: Adjusting to normal life, Afterlife, F/M, Purgatory, Resurrection, Shannyn sossamon - Freeform, Suicide, Suicide mentions, Wristcutters, Zia x Mikal, movies - Freeform, patrick fugit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22448047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskullofhorror666/pseuds/theskullofhorror666
Summary: Coming back to life is a process, maybe even more so than the process of adapting to the slightly shittier afterlife Zia was thrown into after his suicide.After Kneller realizes the mistake made with Mikal being sent there from overdosing, he decides to send Zia back with her, who now must begin the process of readjusting to normal life. A life that just might be getting even more complicated with the next curveball the universe decides to throw at them.
Relationships: Mikal/Zia (Wristcutters)
Kudos: 1





	1. Dreams

Eugene’s on his way back to the car already, though not a moment too soon. Not a moment too soon, because maybe I wouldn’t have dropped his glasses in the hole for the 50th time now if he’d finished paying for the gas just a minute or two sooner before I could.

He spends another five minutes or so filling up the tank, hangs the nozzle back in its place, and walks back over just in time to find me on my hands and knees, thumping my hand once against the carpeting in frustration.  
I haven’t even looked up yet, but I can feel him glaring at me.  
“Don’t fucking tell me, man” he says, sliding into his seat, barely breaking his glare as he puts the key in the ignition. “AGAIN?!”  
I let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m sorry man, it was an accident. I’ll buy you another new pair of shades!”  
“That’s not the point, Zia!” he near shouts.”I tell you this every fucking day, you never learn!”  
“I’M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE, EUGENE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!” 

This, along with Mikal gently shaking me out of it is what finally wakes me from my dream. Not the first, and certainly not the last, of many since Kneller had decided to give me another chance and sent me back to life with her.

I jerk upright, in the bed I’ve been sharing with her since we’d been released from the hospital and decided to move in together, and begin rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. 

She smiles sympathetically at me, but a smile nonetheless. “Bad dreams?” she asks.  
I shake my head no, yawning as I open my mouth to answer. “Not great ones, but I’ve had worse. Why? Was I talking in my sleep again?”  
She nods, chuckling as if the answer were so obvious that even in my apparently restless slumber I should’ve been aware.  
“More like shouting” she adds. “Something about not doing something on purpose? You sounded pretty agitated about it.”  
“Ahh.” I chuckle, slightly, back at her while I brush some messy bed hair away from my eyes. “I, uh..dreamed I was back there again, and Eugene was yelling at me about dropping another pair of his glasses into that damn hole.” I smile at her. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”  
She smiles back at me. She never is gonna get tired of doing that, and I’m glad. God, I love that smile.  
“Not at all” she reassures, shaking her head. “Been up for hours”  
I nod. “I see.”  
She kisses my forehead before leaving the bedroom. “There’s breakfast on the table, if you’re hungry.”  
I pull her, playfully, back down to my level to kiss her on the lips. “What have I done to deserve breakfast from you?”  
She just giggles and turns to go back downstairs. “Don’t wait too long!” she calls back from halfway down the hall.  
“That didn’t answer my question!” I shout, teasingly, back at her.  
I pull back the covers, tossing them off to the side, to head out after her.


	2. Breakfast

I suppose it seems soon to be moving in with Mikal, but after spending pretty much day and night, except for that time she’d spent away from us after Eugene had pissed her off, together on that road trip it just made sense.   
She was worried enough about me going back to living on my own anyway, and I certainly wasn’t about to argue having her company 24/7. It’s nice having someone around who understands everything I went through in that...world? Life? Whatever it was, after I killed myself.  
I’ve tried connecting with suicide survivors, but it just wasn’t the same. They still couldn’t understand what it was like to actually be in that other place.

Mikal’s, now our, place isn’t big per se, but it’s big enough.   
There’s a medium sized yard that’s big enough for Luna, her....kee-shond? Kay-shond? I don’t know, some fancy sounding dog breed, to run around and stretch her legs out in.  
I wasn’t particularly a dog person before, but the fact that her warming up to me so quickly brought a huge grin to Mikal’s face was all the convincing I needed to become one.

Luna, in spite of her fancy shmancy sounding breed name, had been dumped in a high kill shelter some years back, and Mikal had rescued her just in time. She’s sweet, but pretty shy to new people still...yet she had immediately warmed up to me almost as if we were old friends at which Mikal had marveled. 

The back door, which leads to the back yard, is wood with a medium sized doggy door just below the glass window in the center.  
The kitchen is just big enough to include a small bar, which Mikal and I eat breakfast at on mornings like today.

Mikal is standing in front of the stove, dishing out scrambled eggs and bacon onto the first plate and then to a second one, which is sitting next to a bigger plate with pancakes stacked atop it, when I come in and sneak up behind her to grab her around the waist. 

“Zia!!” she exclaims, as one of the pancakes she’s serving herself escapes her grasp because of me and plummets to the floor.  
“Oops!” I mutter as I quickly kiss her neck. “My bad”   
“Very bad!” she reiterates, trying to stifle a giggle, as Luna comes trotting in to swoop in and scarf down the fallen pancake before she can grab it.  
“Clean up on aisle 4!” I snicker, stroking my hand through Luna’s black and brown medium cut fur.  
“Terrible, both of you!” she teases, scruffing up Luna’s and then my hair.  
“I know, how do you put up with us?” I ask, making my way to grab the plate without a pancake on it. “This mine?”   
“It was” Mikal giggles. “Now, I’m not so sure.”  
I take a bite of one of the bacon strips “I’ll take that as a yes”  
“Help yourself to what’s left of the pancakes, I guess”  
“Already did” I say, showing my plate with three pancakes on it.  
She swats playfully at me as I turn around to sit at a middle barstool with my breakfast. “Thanks for breakfast.”  
“Don’t mention it” she laughs, bringing her plate to sit next to me.


	3. Something She Ate

“.... The person you put up there ain't the person that comes back. It may look like that person, but it ain't that person....”

I’ll be the first to admit that watching a movie called Pet Sematary just mere weeks after Mikal and I had been brought back isn’t the greatest taste, but I digress.  
Nothing else was on and I’ve only been half paying attention to it anyway.

Mikal walks in the room, right as Jud Crandall’s warning Louis about the dangers of burying a person up in the Pet Sematary, with Luna in tow on her body harness and leash. 

“I’m taking Luna out for her w-“ she trails off mid sentence once she puts together what I’m watching.  
“Really, Zia?”  
“Too soon?” I smirk.  
She reaches for the remote to switch it off “that’s one way to put it”  
“Well now what am I supposed to do?” I whine, only half seriously.  
“I don’t know, but not tha-“ she starts. She gulps and her face starts to pale as she claps a hand to her mouth, then shakes her head as if to shake off whatever just came over her.  
I raise an eyebrow at her, concerned now.   
“Are you okay?”  
She nods. “Yeah, yeah I’m-“ she trails off and bolts for the bathroom, down the hall.  
“Mikal? Mikal!” No answer, except for the faint sound of retching behind a closed bathroom door.  
I run down the hall after her and knock at the door. “Mikal?”   
She tries to answer but retches again instead.  
“Alright, message received, I won’t watch anything with dead things in it!” I tease.   
This gets a laugh out of her. “Very funny, Zia!”  
“Seriously though, you okay?” I ask again. “Can I come in?”  
She just flushes the toilet and opens the door, nodding at me. “Must’ve been something I ate”  
“I mean, I didn’t think your cooking was that bad.” I smirk.  
She play shoves me back a little. “Fuck you.”  
“Where are you going now?” I ask when she goes to pick Luna’s leash back up.  
“Luna needs her-“   
I cut her off by stealing the leash from her.   
“I’ll walk her” I sneak a kiss on her neck. “You stay here, get some rest.”  
“Ziiiaa”   
“Hey, I found something to do!” I smirk as head out. She tries to throw one of the couch pillows at me but it’s blocked by the door when I shut it behind me and Luna.

When I walk back in the door with Luna, Mikal’s already laying across my spot on the couch, flipping through the guide on the TV.  
I free Luna from her leash and hook it back on the leash hook which reads DID SOMEONE SAY WALK? right above it, that hangs near the door, before sneaking up behind her on the couch and resting my arms right around each side of her neck.  
“Not too late to settle on Pet Sematary, ya know” I tease, coming around to sit beside her when she moves her feet.   
She rolls her eyes at me and settles on a channel that’s on a commercial break.  
“So, how you feelin?” I ask.   
Luna’s sitting upright with her chin up on the couch, staring up at me like I took her spot.   
Mikal shrugs. “Better, still. Pretty sure it was just something I ate”  
“Hmmm, if you say so” I rest my arm up around her shoulders and she leans closer to me. “I do.”


	4. 72 Hour Bug

Luna’s staring up at me while I sit on the bed, scrolling away at my laptop, waiting for Mikal to finish up in the bathroom and come take her spot next to me.  
“You know, I fear your spot is in grave danger of being stolen by Luna if you don’t claim it soon enough!” I shout, teasingly to her.  
“Well I guess you’ll just have to sleep on the floor if that happens!” she calls back.  
“Wait a minute, why do I have to sleep on the floor?!”  
Mikal opens the door a little wider than a crack and pokes her head out just long enough to answer. “Because she was here first!”  
“Well why do I have to pay for that?!” I call through the shut door.  
I place my laptop down on the floor to make sure I’m laying on my stomach across both our spots when she gets out and Luna makes the jump up to lay beside me.  
“Because you just do, now both of you scoot!” she giggles.  
Luna complies, moving to the foot of the bed, while I just sit and shake my head. “Make me.”  
She wrestles me til I’m pinned on my side of the bed, on my back, looking up at her.   
“All right, all right! I give, I give!” I laugh, pulling her back toward my side to kiss her when she tries to move back to her side.  
“Terrible, Zia” she mutters, trying to stifle another giggle.  
“Mmmm, that’s what you love about me though”  
She kisses my hand after I put my arm around her shoulders. “That’s up for debate.”  
“Ouch?” I chuckle, putting my hand to my chest.  
She roughs up my hair, playfully. “You ask for it.”   
I smile back at her. “I know.” 

I reach for my laptop to continue what I was doing, until she finishes her reading for the night and turns the light on her nightstand off.   
It’s not that the light bothers me, I could go to sleep with it on if I really tried, I just really love watching her fall asleep before I do.

The next morning comes, and I wake up to what sounds like Mikal retching in the bathroom, for at least the third day in a row.   
“Mikal?” I call, groggily, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes still. “You alright in there?”   
I force my still half awake self to sit up and toss the covers off me to go make my way over to the bathroom door to knock on it.  
“I’m...I’m fine Zia, really.”  
“You don’t sound fine, are you sure you don’t wanna go see a doctor or something?”   
The toilet flushes after she retches a few more times and she opens the door, still wiping her face. “I don’t know, might just be some 72 hour bug or something.”  
“Right, well aren’t 72 hour things usually consistent? I mean, it’s kind of been on and off for 72 hours”   
“You do have a point....I don’t know, I’ll think about it, I guess”   
I nod. “Well I guess I’m up now. You want anything from downstairs?”   
She lets herself plop down on the bed. “I mean, I probably shouldn’t eat anything just yet.”  
“Yeah, I guess not” I chuckle. “Maybe some water, or juice then or something?”  
“Juice would be great” she agrees.  
I pick up her hand to kiss it. “Juice it is, then. I’ll be right back.”   
She smiles as I walk away. “Thank you.”


	5. Kneller’s Happy Survivors

In the past three months since Mikal and I were brought back, I just haven’t been able to shake the feeling of why I’m back.  
I mean, as much as I had originally doubted she’d be successful in her hunt for the People In Charge, it still made sense that they would fix the mistake they had made by bringing her back.  
Why me though? What was it about some guy that had intentionally slit his wrists with the intention to kill himself that made Kneller think I should be given a second chance? The more I thought about it, and the more I questioned it, the more I started thinking “I can’t be that special” “there has to be someone else who’d been there and brought back to tell the tale. 

Well, as it turns out, there is someone....actually, a handful of someones...plural, who seem to have had similar or the same type of experience as mine, even a few like Mikal’s experience.  
That is, according to this Facebook group I’d stumbled upon today in my search.  
Kneller’s Happy Survivors, it was so cleverly named, likely after that old Kneller’s Happy Campers joke that Kneller had claimed was from an old friend who’d graffitied over an old FOR RENT sign.

Glancing up at the living room clock, to see when Mikal should be home, I decide to click the JOIN button and fill in answers to their set of basic questions.  
“OPTIONAL” was clearly typed in all caps to indicate that the questions related to summing up my experience weren’t required for entry, in the event that I wasn’t ready to get into that just yet.  
I glance down at my faded, yet still visible, wrist scars, and start typing away at what had gotten me there, was I there by mistake? Etc, etc.

Mikal had decided to make her appointment right after work, which leaves me with ample time to explore said group before she’s back.  
Even being that she’s the last person I have to hide the subject from, it was clear that, despite not saying it out loud to respect my feelings about it, it really made her uncomfortable to talk about the whole thing.  
And I can’t blame her for wanting to put something like that behind her, who wouldn’t?

Just as I’m about to wrap up my Facebook browsing for the day anyway, Luna starts barking excitedly at the sound of Mikal’s key jangling in the lock of the front door.

My laptop clicks shut as she walks in, greeting Luna first before me as she shuts the door behind her.  
She smiles when she looks over to the couch to see me. God, I love that.  
“Hey, Z” she comes over to kiss me before going to the dining room to set her stuff down.  
I smile back at her. “Hey, babe. How was work.....slash the doctor’s?”  
She returns to the living room, to take the spot on the couch next to mine.  
“Both were fine...same old, same old, for the work part of it....the latter part of it, we kinda gotta talk about though”  
This worried me. “Why? Is everything alright?” She looks at me, as if worried about what I might say about what she has to say next.  
“......I’m pregnant, Zia.”


	6. Big Sister, Luna

“....I’m pregnant, Zia.”

Those words fell out of her mouth like she had mulled this over in her head through the whole drive back, like she couldn’t even believe she was saying it herself, like....like she was worried about how I might take it.

The shock must be painfully obvious on face, because she sounds slightly more concerned when she speaks again.

“Are you okay?” she asks, biting her lip.  
I quickly nod my head while searching for the right words.   
“Yeah, sorry..sorry, I was just thinking for a minute”  
She nods.  
“Well that’s great, isn’t it? That’s a good thing”.  
Her eyebrows raised, now.   
“Is it?” she asks. “You really think so?”   
I smile at her. “Of course it is, why wouldn’t it be?” I reach my arm up around her shoulders.  
She starts biting her thumbnail, one of her little nervous habits  
“You don’t think it’s...bad timing or anything?”  
“Well do you want it? I think that’s the main thing, isn’t it?”  
She smiles. A little half smile, but a smile, nonetheless. “Yeah....yeah, I think I do.”  
I hold her a little closer to me. “Alright then, that’s all that matters.”  
She exhales a small sigh of relief as she wraps both arms around. “Thank you, Z”   
“Of course”

She doesn’t start to pull away from me til Luna tries to get on the couch with us, bringing a smile to both our faces.   
I stroke my hand, lovingly, through her soft fur. “Well Luna’s clearly on board with it!”  
Mikal laughs at this, and at Luna who is now between both of us. I continue to scratch her back while she licks my face.  
“What do you say, Luna? Should we get you a ‘Big Sister’ shirt, then?”   
Mikal grins, even wider now. “I think she’d like that”   
I smile back at her. “Well, it’s settled then.”   
She reaches across, over Luna, to kiss me. “I love you” she whispers.  
“I love you more.”

It’s only once I hear Mikal mumbling something about the People In Charge, in her sleep, that I notice she’s nodded off while I’ve been scrolling through the TV guide on our little flatscreen for our next show to watch. 

Her eyes open gradually as I try, and clearly fail, to move her head gently enough off my lap so as not to wake her so I can get her a blanket from the hall closet.  
“Sorry” I whisper. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”  
She yawns. “No worries.”  
I nod. “So, bad dreams?”  
“A few” she nods. “Mostly about- “  
“The PIC?” I interrupt.  
“How did you know?  
I move a stray hair from her face. “ you were mumbling about them in your sleep again.”  
She looked slightly embarrassed now.   
“I do that?”  
I chuckle. “Afraid so, you’re just quieter than I am.”  
“You’re not that bad” she says, smiling. “I exaggerate a little”  
I raise my eyebrows, as if offended by this.   
“Oh do you?”   
She pinches her finger and thumb together “just a little. She sits up on the couch and starts to get up. “Coming up?”   
“I don’t know, am I?” I tease.   
She rolls her eyes playfully. “Please?”   
“Alright” I sigh, as if she wore me down. “I’ll be up in a few.”   
“I sure hope so” she adds, before going up the stairs.


	7. It’s An Adjustment

Bad dreams.......BAD dreams......Bad....

The thought kept making its rounds through my head. 

I had been the one to call them that, sure, but she hadn’t denied it...she hadn’t tried to correct me when I asked if she’d had bad dreams after hearing her mumble about the People In Charge....in fact, she’d said she had a few of them. 

I sympathize with her, of course I do, I really do. I mean....I do sympathize with anyone who ended up there, I guess, but especially her. Bad enough to get there by your own, intentional doing, like me.....but I can’t imagine getting there when you weren’t meant to be.   
I don’t know where people who die normally, as she’d put it, end up when they die, but wherever it was, was where she definitely should’ve been.   
Maybe it was just my own self deprecating problems or whatever, but I just can’t bring myself to put that behind me, or even consider it a particularly bad experience.   
Sure, things are considerably better here...even if I hadn’t realized I missed the way they were here before, but it was tolerable. Maybe not to begin with, but how many things are, really?   
Maybe I’m just biased cause it’s where I met Mikal, and the thought of being there was slightly more tolerable than when things in normal life got rough or complicated.   
And it’s not that I particularly would rather be back there than here....I guess it’s just that being brought back wasn’t exactly the grand relief it probably should be.  
I’m sure if my life was some big movie, I’d be so thankful that I’d been brought back and realize some cliche level lesson about appreciating life or whatever, but it’s....it’s different, and unfortunately more complicated than some heartfelt movie cliche.   
It’s an adjustment. 

I flip through the guide on the little flat screen for a few more minutes before giving up and switching it off for the night, to go join Mikal upstairs.  
Luna, who’d taken Mikal’s spot by laying her own head in my lap, got up when I nudged her off and proceeded to follow me to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and then up the stairs.

Mikal’s sound asleep with her light on and a book, which I can’t make out the title of because her fingers are positioned just over it still, laying open and face down on her chest when I crack the door open before sneaking in, so as not to wake her.   
I quietly make my way over to her nightstand, switch her light off, and mark her spot in her book before placing it in front of her lamp and then continuing over to my side of the bed.   
I have to pull the blanket, slightly, out from under Luna to cover up Mikal before settling myself in, to which she reluctantly abides.   
“Good night” I whisper, barley audibly, to Mikal before drifting off to sleep, myself.


	8. Old Habits Die Hard

Mikal had been up for some odd hours before I even started waking up.  
She’s got an appointment in a couple hours and, early bird that she’s been since we got back, she wanted to make sure she was up in plenty of time to take Luna for her morning walk, feed her, grab some breakfast for herself, and then change. 

My eyes, still sleepy, open slowly, as I awake to the rapid jangling of Luna’s collar and the click, click, click, click! of her nails against the hardwood floor which lead to the carpeted bedroom, just beyond the now open door.  
Luna leaps up onto the bed, immediately attacking my face with her tongue.  
My face scrunches into a grin, as I laugh it off and Mikal comes trailing in just behind her.  
She smiles, crawling onto the bed when she comes in, and scruffs up her fur before returning her attention back to me.  
“Sorry babe, but you do have to get up soon anyway” she apologizes.  
I smile, sitting up to kiss her. “You’re good, I probably wouldn’t have slept much longer anyway.”  
“Mmmnn...bad dreams again?” she asks.  
I shake my head. “Nahhh, I mean they’re not particularly bad, but no not even that this time. Just been a restless night...slash morning.”  
She nods. “Nervous about today?”  
I kiss her again, placing a hand down over her stomach which wouldn’t even begin to show for another couple months or so, but she smiled at the gesture anyway. “Good nervous though.”  
She grins even wider now, as if we hadn’t been over this before. “Yeah?”  
I nod. “Yeah.”  
She pecks me on the cheek, as she gradually pulls away and stands up, turning toward the door. “Breakfast is on the table, if you want it.”  
“You didn’t have to do that.” I remind her.  
She smiles back at me. “Wanted to.”  
I nod. “Well thank you, I’ll be right down.”  
She nods back and shuts the door behind her, as I slide my feet around to the side of the bed, to start getting dressed.

Mikal leans her seat back, resting her feet up on the dashboard, while I start the car up and begin flipping through the stations on the radio.  
She gets visibly annoyed at my refusal to just settle on a station already, so I promise her to make just “one more round” before I stop.  
I’m flipping through the last of the stations, once more, when a familiar old tune comes playing through the speakers.

“When there is trap set up for you  
In every cooorner of this town  
And so you learn the only way to go is underground  
When there's a trap set up for you  
In every corner of your room  
And so you learn the only way to go is through the roof.....”

Mikal raises her eyebrows in surprise, changing to a grimace. “Tell me that’s not what I think it is...”  
I chuckle at her, cranking it up a little.  
“What else would it be?”  
“Ughh, I thought we were done with having to hear that ever agaaaiin” she groans, dramatically.  
“Ahh, come on, it’s not that bad. I like it” I insist.  
She lightens up a little. “You miss him, don’t you?”  
I shrug. I would never admit it to anyone but myself, but I suppose I kind of did, and Mikal saw through that.  
All that time on the road, with him and his cocky attitude and seemingly bullshit opinions, looking for Desiree, I suppose I had gotten used to him. 

“...And if you want it, you’ll always have to make your own fuuun....”

“I’ll tell you what I don’t miss...” I start, attempting to change the subject, before dropping the coke I’d been sipping on....and then immediately panicking, out of habit, fully expecting it to disappear into a black hole.  
“SHITT!!” I blurt out, pulling the car over to lean down and slam my hand to the carpet.  
Mikal jerks upright in her seat.  
“Zia!! Zia, it’s just right there!” she chuckles, pointing at my half spilled can which was rolling around, just inches away from where my hand was slamming.  
“Ohh...heh, right” I chuckle nervously, slightly embarrassed at the realization that I should be used to that not being here by now. “...I knew that..”  
She places a hand, lovingly, on my shoulder. “It’s okay, it happens. I still do that too, sometimes.”  
I chuckle at her attempt to make me feel better. “No you don’t, but I appreciate the gesture.”  
She giggles, trying to convince me. “I swear...yeah, no, last night I dropped my book and COMPLETELY freaked out.”  
I shake my head. “Liar, you were passed out with your book ON you, when I came up last night.”  
“Maybe it happened before I passed out, you don’t know.”  
I smile, shaking my head in disbelief, cranking the stereo up a little more. “If you say so.”  
She grins. “I do.”


	9. Embarrassed

I glance around the little waiting room while Mikal stands beside me at the receptionist’s desk, signing herself in.   
It’s small, though not particularly crowded, and there’s a TV playing Click, off in one of the corners.   
Mikal drops the pen she’s writing with and brings her hand to her face and moaning, like she’s about to barf again, so I start scoping the area til I find trash bin on the other side of me and grab it.  
“No no no no no” I quickly hand the trash bin to her “in here, in here”   
“I-im...” she trails off, trying to indicate that she’s fine, before taking it from me and retching into it. I wince, slightly, at the sound of it. “You okay?” I ask, as if I don’t know the answer.  
She tries to nod, spewing the remnants of whatever she’d managed to keep down until now into the plastic bin.   
I take the pen before she can pick it back up. “Why don’t you go sit down, and I’ll sign you in?”   
She nods, reluctantly. “I’m sorry...”   
I give her a peck on the cheek “s’okay , go on. Go sit down.”  
she takes the trash bin with her and finds a seat, some odd amount of chairs away from the TV, and sits down with it.  
“Well, I guess that answers my question of why you don’t keep wicker trash bins around here.” I joke to the receptionist while I sign the rest of Mikal’s name and the time.  
She chuckles at the remark and I return the pen, making my way over to a seat next to Mikal.

Mikal’s glancing up at the TV when I sit down.   
“Feelin better?” I ask.  
She shrugs. “Kind of embarrassed though...”   
“Don’t be. You’re probably not the first person to do that here, and you won’t be the last.”   
She smiles a little. “You’re just saying that.”   
“Am not, why do you think they know not to have wicker trash bins?” I tease.   
This one gets a laugh out of her. “There are other reasons to have plastic trash bins, Zia.”   
“Can’t you just let me try to make you feel better?” I chuckle.  
She puts her arm around me. “You know you do, Z.”  
“Do I?” I smile back at her, as if totally oblivious.  
She grins. “Much.”   
She kisses me before redirecting her attention back to the TV screen, where Christopher Walken is showing Adam Sandler the ways of his literal universal remote control.  
“You ever wish you could go back in time, Zia?”  
I look back up at the TV screen. “I mean, you can’t change anything, the rewind feature is really just playback, so yeah. I guess I would.”  
“You wouldn’t wanna change anything?”   
I look around, to make sure no one’s within earshot. “What? Like not offing myself?”  
She shrugs. “Among other things.”   
I shake my head. “No...no I wouldn’t, cause then I wouldn’t have met you.”  
She smiles, leaning her head on my shoulder. “Well, that’s true.”   
I nod. “So, what would you change?”  
“I might chuck Eugene’s tape down that hole.” she chuckles.   
I laugh. “It’s not that baaad.”  
“The fact that you have to say that bad means that it is that bad.”  
“Oh does it?”   
She nods. “Yes, it does.”   
“Mmmnn...If you say so.”


	10. Ultrasound

Mikal’s nausea seems to have subsided, at least enough for her to focus on a magazine that she’d picked up from one of the tables nearby.  
I, on the other hand, had found myself partly focused on what was happening on the TV screen and partly immersed in my own thoughts. Thoughts about what Mikal had just said, thoughts about how she still needs to forget about what happened, thoughts about how I can’t and don’t even really want to put it behind me, thoughts about the baby....which are mostly positive, but thoughts, regardless.

So immersed, that I almost don’t hear the nurse that calls Mikal’s name from the little doorway between the waiting room and the hallway leading to each exam room.  
Mikal notices this and taps me gently on the shoulder.  
I jump, slightly. “Huh? What?”  
Mikal’s standing over me. “That’s us, come on”  
Now I’m the embarrassed one, if only slightly. “Oh, right” I chuckle, nervously, and stand up from my seat.

The nurse smiles as we approach and start following her. She appears to briefly look me over.   
“He’s your boyfriend?” she asks, and then whispers something that sounds like, “he’s cute.”   
“Yeah, I like him.” Mikal smiles back at me, as if confirming.   
The nurse has Mikal step on a scale, jotting down her weight, and then directs us into the second room.

I take the seat next to the table that Mikal climbs on to sit while the nurse asks her some routine questions and takes her vitals, jotting down the info as she goes.   
“Alright...” she says, looking over her charts. “You just hang tight for a bit, and the doctor will be in shortly” she gives us a smile as she leaves.  
“Thank you.” Mikal responds.

“Nervous?” I ask, noting the way Mikal shifts around on the table, seeming slightly uncomfortable.  
She nods, biting her lip. “Yeah...a little. You?”  
I shrug. “I’m okay.”  
She chuckles a little, taking my hand. “Good....I’m really happy you’re here.”  
I smile back at her, gripping her hand slightly. “Where else would I be?”  
She shrugs, still smiling. “I don’t know....still, though. I really am.”  
I bring her hand close, to kiss it. “Me too.”  
This gets an even wider grin from her.

After another 15 minutes or so, the door opens and a blonde woman walks in and introduces herself.   
“Sorry to keep you two waiting, I’m Dr. Speilman.” She shakes each of our hands.   
“Not to be confused with Spielberg, right?” I joke. Mikal kicks me, playfully, with her foot.   
“This is my boyfriend, Zia.” she sighs.  
Dr. Spielman chuckles. “Nice to meet you.”  
She takes a look at the chart she’s holding.  
“So, Mikal...I hope I’m saying that right.”  
“You are.”  
Dr. Spielman nods. “Any nausea?”   
“I think your answer’s in your waiting room trash bin.” I tease.  
Mikal tries to hold back a smile as she picks up the small pillow on the table and gestures like she’s gonna hit me with it.  
She puts it back down when I put my hands up in surrender and turns her attention back to the Dr. “yeah, a little.”   
“Well, that’s normal for the first few months.” she says, sympathetically, as she jots down on her chart.   
“Alright...” she sets down her chart and picks something out of a drawer. “..can you lay back on the table for me and lift your shirt up about halfway?”   
Mikal nods, doing as directed and taking my hand after she does so.  
“This might be a little cold.” she warns, squeezing some gel onto Mikal’s bare stomach before she starts moving the ultrasound wand over it.  
Mikal’s smile’s more contagious than ever as our baby...God, I’m still not used to saying that yet...makes itself visible on the fuzzy screen.  
“There’s your baby, about 8 weeks along, I’d say.” Dr Speilman smiles, warmly, at us. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”  
“You can hear it that early?” I ask.  
“Definitely”  
“Yes”Mikal and I say, almost in unison.  
Dr. Spielman nods and a sudden and rapid whoosh, whoosh, whoosh sound fills the room.  
“That’s amazing” Mikal says.

She gives us a few more minutes to listen to it before shutting it off and telling Mikal she can wipe up and put her shirt back down.  
“You guys have any questions?” she asks, standing back up.   
Mikal looks to me. “Unless you have any...”  
I shrug, still in awe of the situation and how Mikal seemed to light up even more after actually seeing it.  
“We’ll call you if we think of anything.” Mikal answers.  
“Alright then, I’ll get your print outs for you and see you in a few weeks.   
“Thank you.”  
I place my arm around Mikal, holding her close, as we grab the sonogram printouts and walk out.


	11. That’s What You Love About Me

“Agh!!”  
One of the ultrasound copies slips out of my grasp, as I reach to press for the ground floor in the elevator and the lady standing next to us stares as I go into my usual panic, catching it just before it hits the ground.   
Mikal chuckles at this. “He’s just very protective.” she turns to pat me on the shoulder. “You alright, babe?”   
“Perfect” I answer, chuckling nervously. “I caught it.” 

The woman next to us gets off on the floor just before the ground floor, leaving us alone in the elevator.  
“Yeah, I know, I gotta stop doing that.” I sigh, as Mikal swipes the extra one out of my hand.  
“It’s alright, just force of habit.” she says, gazing down at the picture in her hands.  
“You say that now, it’s not gonna be as funny a year or whatever from now, when the kid’s old enough to start chucking stuff off their high chair and I’m hitting the floor every two minutes, waiting for a black hole that isn’t there.”   
“I beg to differ.” she giggles, giving me a peck on the cheek.  
“Well to each their own, I guess.”

I start up the car and Eugene’s song, the same one as before, comes through the speakers again, much to Mikal’s immediate disdain.   
“Okay, you’re doing that on purpose!” she proclaims, trying to stifle a laugh. “I don’t know how, but you are. It can’t be a coincidence.”   
“Aaalright, you caught me.” I admit in defeat, ejecting the tape from the player to show her. “Found it at a garage sale last weekend, guy who sold it to me was going off about how AWFUL the band was and bragging about how he was there, front row when Eugene..you know...”  
“He has a point, lemme see that.” she gestures her hand in a gimme type motion.  
“No way! You just admitted to wanting to chuck it, on the way here!” I protest, holding it just out of her reach.   
She leans over from the passenger side, trying to grab at it. “Damnit, Zia!”   
“Make me!” I raise it higher, quickly switch it to my other hand, and shove it back in the tape player before she can even get close to grabbing it.  
“Ugh, you’re impossible!” she declares in defeat. “I don’t know how I put up with you.”  
“Come oonnnn!” I nudge her playfully, before pulling the car out it’s spot. “That’s what you love about me.”   
“That’s what you think.” she smirks.  
“That’s what I know.” I correct, emphasizing the last part. 

Back at home, Mikal opens her door and starts to sway as she tries to step out of the car, putting her hand on the doorway for support.  
I rush around, over to the passenger side when I hear her start moaning.   
“I gotcha, I gotcha!” I put my arm around her so she won’t fall. “You okay? What happened?”  
“I just feel a little light headed.”   
“Well you didn’t eat much, and what you did, is back in that trash bin.”  
She looks like she wants to smile, but winces instead. “Please don’t mention food.”  
“Sorry.” I chuckle. “Why don’t we get you inside, you can lie down for a bit?”   
She nods weakly. “Sounds good to me.”  
She moves her arm off the car and around me, for support, so I can walk her into the house.


	12. Lifesaver

Mikal’s already passed out, with Luna resting her head dutifully on her stomach, when I return with some ginger ale for her to settle her stomach.  
Luna wags her tail happily, at the sight of me, as if she didn’t just see me walk in with Mikal in the first place like two minutes ago.  
I try to pull the covers the rest of the way over her, without disrupting either her or Luna too much. To little avail, of course, because Luna immediately relocated herself to a middle spot between Mikal and I when I set the glass on her nightstand and then settle myself into my spot next to her.   
“What are you doin?” I ask Luna, scratching her head. “You were supposed to stay over there.” She licks my hand in response.  
“I see.” I chuckle, as if she’s given me a clear answer. “I know, I love you too.”  
I give her one more head scratch, before turning over to lay on my side and watch Mikal as she sleeps.   
A little smile lights up Mikal’s face, and I can’t tell whether she’s just having a really good dream or she’s secretly listening to me talking to Luna. Either way, it’s just as contagious. 

Her eyes flutter open, and she smiles as soon as she sees me laying next to her.   
“How long have you been there?” she asks, sleepily.  
“Only about as long as you’ve been asleep, I like watching you.”   
She grins even wider at this. “You’re cute.”   
I glance to make sure she’s not talking about Luna first, and she notices.   
“...yes, you!”   
“....I knew that....” I fib.  
She kisses me and starts to sit up. “Sure you did.”  
“Alright, you got me.”  
She sips from the ginger ale glass I left for her, on her nightstand. “I don’t even remember bringing this up.”   
“That’s cause I did.” I explain.  
“You’re the best.” she sighs.  
“Debatable” I shrug. “How you feeling?”  
“Debatable..” she chuckles. “...much better, actually.”   
“Well that’s good. I was worried you were gonna pass out back there, for a minute.”   
She nods. “I definitely felt like it.”   
“Well, you feel like trying to hold something else down?” I suggest. “Baby’s probably hungry.”   
There’s that smile again.  
“Maybe a little bit of soup, some crackers if we have them.”   
I give her a peck on the forehead. “You got it. I’ll check on the crackers too.”   
“Thank you.”   
“You want another ginger ale while I’m up? That one’s been sitting out a while, might be warm” I ask.  
She shakes her head. “I’m okay, just the soup and crackers will be fine.”   
“I’ll be right back then.”

It’s a few minutes before I realize Luna’s followed me down, from upstairs, hoping for a snack of her own. I look down and catch her hopeful eyes, just staring up at me, while I hear up Mikal’s chicken soup and then fumble around in the cupboards for some crackers.   
I sigh, reaching into the bag of beggin’ strips, and toss her a few which she quickly gobbles down.”  
“Alright, no more. Okay?” I gesture towards the bowl of soup and the crackers I’ve found to go with it. “This is for Mommy, yeah? Mommy’s food.”   
She tilts her head, as if understanding...or trying to understand, what I’m saying to her.   
I give her a head scratch before placing the food on a tray, and then carrying it upstairs, Luna following shortly behind.

Mikal’s face lights up again when she spots that we did in fact have crackers to go with her chicken soup.   
“I hope chicken’s okay.” I say, setting the tray down on the bed. “That, and the crackers, were all we had. I’ll go to the store tomorrow and get some more stuff.”  
She takes a small spoonful of the soup. “You’re a lifesaver, Z.”  
“So to speak, right?” I smirk.  
“Yeah” she laughs. “I heard it as soon as I said it.”   
“Mmmhmm...” I nod.   
She shrugs. “So far, so good.”   
“Looks like it.” I agree.


	13. Fat

Luckily, Mikal’s nausea seems to have subsided, at least for the most part, over the past couple months. Sure, she still wakes up in the middle of the night once or twice a week to vomit, but lately her nausea’s been most triggered by specific foods or food types. 

I’m just walking in the door with a couple bags from my latest food run, sure to keep specific craving requests away from any aversions that may make her sick on sight when she digs in for whatever she’s looking for when she comes down.   
I’m just starting to put stuff away, when I hear her yell out from upstairs, “Damnit!!” which has me dropping the bag I’m on and racing up the stairs to make sure she’s okay.

“Damnit, damnit, damnit!” she mutters, a little quieter now, though still loud enough to hear through the bedroom door.   
“Mikal!” I call out, in a panic, opening the door. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”  
She nods, grumbling as she continues an apparent battle with the zipper of her jeans. “I’m fine, sorry if I scared you, it’s just these damn jeans, they don’t seem to fit anymore.”   
“Ohh, thank god” I sigh. “That you’re okay, I mean..and that the baby’s okay, not that-“   
“I know” she cuts me off, chuckling a little. “I know, and again I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, I didn’t even know you were home yet.”  
“Well that’s cause I just got home.” I explain. “Like not two minutes ago, I was just putting some of the food away when I heard you.”  
“You remembered to separate my things from the meats, right? And the-“   
I cut her off, chuckling a little. “Yes, yes, got them all separated, I remembered.”  
“Good.” she says. “That’s good.” She looks down at her, still open, zipper.” “THAT is not.”  
“Come on, it’s not that bad.” I chuckle. “I mean it’s a bummer, sure, but-“ she cuts me off.   
“A bummerrrr?” she whines. “These were my favorite jeans, and now I’m too fat to wear them. I mean, I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later, I just..”  
“...was hoping for later?” I finish for her.  
She laughs. “Or you know, not at all.”   
Aw, come on” I insist. “this just means you can see, now, that there’s someone in there.” I rest my hand on her growing baby bump, which makes her smile a little.   
“Yeah, I guess...” she sighs.   
“Besides..” I add. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll buy you some new jeans. Fair?”  
“Not really.” she sighs, meeting my hand with hers. “But I’ll take you up anyways, cause I do need new jeans.”  
“Perfect.” I say, going in for a kiss. “Just let me know when.”  
“Well I’ll need some before work tomorrow.....give me a couple hours? We can make a day of it?”  
I nod. “Maybe order a pizza after?”  
“Just no pepperonis though” she reminds me.  
“Got it, soo...extra pepperoni, then?” I tease.   
“Zia!!” she exclaims.   
“Kidding!! I’m kidding, no pepperoni.” I laugh, putting my hands up, to which she can’t help but laugh too.  
She points her fingers at me. “I’m watching you.”   
“Okay” I smirk, mocking the gesture, though she’s already on her way downstairs to loot through the grocery bags.


	14. Pizza

“You HATE pineapple on pizza.” I laugh. “Last time I dared to suggest it was alright, you called it AND me and abomination.”   
“I’m pretty sure my words were sinning against nature. And I don’t know, I just feel like it could use a second chance.”  
“If you say so.” I chuckle, punching in on my phone to order. “You want breadsticks?”  
She grimaces at the thought. “Mmmnn mm. Nothing with garlic.”   
“Pineapple pizza, nooo garlic.” I repeat. “Gotcha.”  
“Thank you, Z.” she grins, wrapping her arms around me.  
I sneak a kiss on her neck. “Of course.”  
She turns to take her shopping bags upstairs, while I order the pizza, her smile not leaving her face. 

Luna, bolting for the door, signals the delivery person’s arrival before they even ring the doorbell.   
“That’s probably the pizza!” Mikal calls from upstairs.  
I start shimmying my wallet out of my pocket on my way to the door. “I’m on it!”  
I open the door, blocking enough that Luna doesn’t run out, to a delivery girl who’s holding our pizza.  
“Make sure Luna doesn’t get out!” Mikal adds, before I can even open my mouth.  
“Luna’s our dog.” I explain, before calling back up to Mikal. “Already on that, too!”  
The delivery girl chuckles.   
“Sorry, how much was that, again?” I ask, flipping through my wallet with a chuckle.  
“$10.75” she answers.  
I count out about $11 plus the tip and hand it to her, while Luna whimpers impatiently at my feet.  
“Thanks, keep the change.” I chuckle, taking the pizza and tugging Luna away with my free hand.   
Luna follows me into the kitchen as I go to set the box down.  
“Better come claim some before Luna does!” I tease, dishing out a couple slices for myself.  
“Don’t think I won’t fight a dog, cause I just might!” she laughs, fumbling with her sweatpants tie on the way down the stairs. “I’m starving.”  
“I set it on the counter.” I chuckle, trying to ward off a hungry Luna from the couch. “I would grab your plate too, except I’m trying to guard mine from Luna, and I don’t know how much you want.”  
“Appreciate it” she laughs. 

Luna munches happily away at some pizza chunks I’ve tossed her, further confirming my stance on the pairing of pineapple and pizza.  
“So what do we say?” I ask with a smirk. “Was I right, after all?”  
Mikal, on her fifth slice now, chuckles. “For now, anyway.”   
“Uh huh...” I look back to Luna and toss her a pineapple chunk. “Well I think Luna agrees with me permanently, so I take that as a win.”  
“If you say so.” she chuckles. “Grab me one more, while you’re up?” she adds, as I stand up to refill my cup.   
“You sure? I ask, taking her plate. “Don’t want you to make yourself sick again.”  
“Just like a little sliver though” she answers, pinching her fingers together.  
I give her a smile. “As you wish. Be right back.”


	15. It’s Something

I’m back to sitting shotgun of Eugene’s old car, while he goes off on how dumb I must be to have landed myself right back here after Kneller was good enough to give me a second chance at life, to spend with Mikal no less.  
“Some fucking way to thank that asshole, huh?” he scoffs. “What you wanna be back here for, anyway?”  
“Eugene, I’m not in the mood, alright?” I sigh, trying to space out, staring out the window.  
As if I wasn’t already thinking about that, myself. Maaan, I really blew it  
Eric, my roommate from before, has probably already found a new roommate by now. One that keeps his hands off his damned cottage cheese and pisses sitting down.  
Worse, yet, though, I know I’ve let down Mikal.  
I don’t even wanna think about what this is doing to her.

“Zia!!!” Eugene raises his voice, interrupting my train of thought. “Are you even listening to a fucking word I’m saying? Huh?! Zia? Zia?!  
Zia!......”  
His voice trails off, fading into Mikal’s voice, as I begin to feel something shaking me.  
“Zia!” the voice repeats again.

“Zia!! Wake up!” Mikal raises her voice slightly above a whisper, finally breaking me out of my slumber.  
...or rather startling me out of my slumber is more like it. “Yes!! Eugene, alright, I hear you!”  
I scramble, slightly, to sit up and assess my surroundings, gradually accepting, thankfully, that it was just a dream.  
“You okay?” she chuckles.  
“Yeah..” I chuckle nervously, trying to catch my breath. “Just had a bad dream.”  
“You wanna talk about it?” she asks, concerned.  
“Just the usual.” I shrug, realizing the time and that I should probably be worrying that she might’ve woken me up for something besides my usual sleep shouting, hard to sleep through as it may be. “Wha- uhh, what’s wrong though? Why’d you wake me up?”  
A grin came across her face and she shakes her head. “I think the baby moved!”  
“Ohh...OH, wha- wait, really?” I stammer, half tired, half trying to process what she’s just said. “They can do that?” God, I hope that didn’t come off as dumb as I’m realizing it sounded.  
“Sure” she says. “Close enough to five months, that’s right about when they start, I think.  
Has it been that long already?  
“Well is it still doing it?” I ask instead.  
“No, I don’t think- wait...wait, there it is!” she answers, excitedly, guiding my hand to that spot.  
It takes a minute....it seems to stop, and then starts back up again right as I’m about to say something.  
It’s not quite a kick, but it’s something.  
I smile and her face lights up, even more.  
“This the first time it’s done this?”  
She nods. “As far as I know, anyway.”  
I keep my hand there for a few more moments and then kiss her. “Well, thank you for the wake up. This was much better than getting yelled at by Eugene.”  
“Well, I should hope so!” she laughs. “You’re welcome.”


	16. The Usual

Why am I having dreams like that? Like THAT, I mean.   
I don’t mean the dreams in general, most of which aren’t even bad, just...annoying.   
Eugene ranting about his sunglasses, Eric bitching about his damned cottage cheese, shit that’s otherwise as insignificant as those little miracles Mikal accused me of being obsessed with. This was different....much different.

This wasn’t just the typical “dreaming it didn’t really happen and I’m still there” type of dream, this was me actively returning there. Dream me had downed a bunch of pills and gotten myself back there.  
I know coming back wasn’t exactly what one might expect it to be, and I’ve made my peace with that....but did part of me, subconsciously, not wanna be back? Maybe part of me just never left that place, and probably never will.  
Maybe I’m just doomed to question my subconscious until I die normally and end up God knows where.

I look up from mindlessly scrolling through the TV guide on the couch, toward the sound of Luna’s collar jangling and nails click click clicking against the floor, and spot Mikal following shortly behind her.   
She smiles when she sees me. “Morning, Z.” she yawns, sleepily.  
“Morning, Babe. Sleep good?”   
“Better than you, it looks like.” she answers. “You’re up early, everything okay?”   
“Yeah, nothing particularly interesting.” I lie. No use getting her all worked up over a dream I was probably overreacting to. “Just couldn’t get back to sleep is all.”  
She seems to buy it. “You want some breakfast?” she asks.  
“Well, if you’re making it anyways.” I shrug. “I wanted to come up there in a few and surprise you with breakfast in bed, for once.”  
“You’re sweet. I don’t mind though, I like cooking.”  
“If you insist. Thanks.”  
She leads Luna into the next room, where she lets her out the back door to run around the yard and go potty, while she makes breakfast without Luna’s begging eyes guilting her at every turn.”

“So what’d you dream last night?” Mikal asks when I sit down with my plate. “When I woke you up, you said it was better than getting yelled at by Eugene” she explains, with a chuckle, after reading my slightly confused expressions.  
“Right” I answer, through a bite of my food. “Typical Eugene bullshit, you know. Although I’m pretty sure it was his hat this time, that I dropped down that hole.” I lie. I’m still afraid of how she might worry about me if I tell her what I really dreamt and mulling over if I should just tell her eventually anyways.   
“Say what you want about those damned songs of his” she smirks. “I sure don’t miss that from him.”   
“Yeah, me neither.” I chuckle. “I’ll do without having to hear that any day.”  
“I mean, I like Eugene and all, but maybe it’s for the best that we’re a whole...” she struggles for the word. “World? Afterlife? Universe?” she shakes her head. “Whatever you wanna call it, apart.”  
“You did not, you liar.” I object. “You couldn’t stand Eugene.”  
“.....alright, I tolerated him.” she laughs. “Happy?”   
“Very.” I smirk.   
“Just eat your pancakes.” she sighs.  
“Yes ma’am.” I tease.   
She raises the spatula she’s using, to serve herself, in a teasing back gesture at me.


	17. Scars

“Don’t be too long, alright?” Mikal pleads as I’m leashing Luna up for her morning walk.  
“Somebody jealous of us?” I tease.   
“Very funny.” She smirks.  
I walk over to the couch where she’s sitting and give her a peck on the cheek. “We won’t, I promise.”   
“I get next walk, remember!” she calls after me, as I head out the door.   
“Got it, love you.”

I tug my jacket sleeve back down to cover my wrist scars which, like most of the dreams, are starting to fade just a little with time, as I lock the front door behind us.   
Like the scars though, I suppose I’ll never fully shake the dreams from that life...err, afterlife, and honestly, I’m mostly okay with that. I don’t know that I’ll ever even want to be fully rid of that place, little as I liked it while I was there.

I insisted on switching walk shifts with Mikal, only partly to give her a break here and there like I’d claimed to, and partly to mull over my thoughts and mentally debate with myself on whether or not to totally fill Mikal in on exactly what the dreams I’ve been having are....particularly last night’s, and what they might mean.   
How do you even begin to tell someone, especially her, that you were debating on if you were really as happy to be back as you probably should be....and how to convey that she won’t have to worry about me making any more attempts. God, that’s ALL she needs right now.

I can’t seem to figure that one out anymore than I’ve managed to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to tell the kid if they ever want to know how Mommy and Daddy met.   
Call me morbid, or whatever, but at least that mystery is somewhat amusing to think about.  
I smirk a little at the thought and tug, gently, at the leash to stop Luna from sniffing and/or munching on each end every individual blade of grass, on our adventure.  
“Sometime today, Luna.” I tease, as if she can understand me....or even cares, if she does.  
She resists a little, tugging back on her end of the leash, but finally decides to do her business when I gently tug her away, again, from the patch of grass she’s nibbling away at.

I glance back down at my wrist, of which the scar is just slightly visible above the sleeve, while Luna’s sniffing around for the next patch of grass she deems worthy enough for her.   
Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe I’m just crazy, and the dreams don’t mean anything and are just one more thing for me to overthink about since returning back from that place.  
After all, they have been starting to fade....aren’t they? They certainly aren’t as frequent as they had been those first few weeks or so of being back, much like the physical scars on my wrist. Perhaps, like the scars, they’ll one day be even more faded and barely noticeable too.   
I shrug and follow Luna’s lead when she finally decides that this area of grass is, in fact, not worthy of her royal highness. 

“How was your walk?” Mikal asks, turning to look, as I lock the door behind us and lean down to free Luna from her leash.   
“I think we actually came across at least ONE grass area that was unworthy of becoming Luna chow, this time around.” I tease, coming around to take the spot next to Mikal on the couch.   
She giggles. “I think that’s a new record for her.” She leans over to kiss me. “Thank you for taking her.”   
I smile back at her. “Anytime.”


	18. Names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SOOO sorry about the time it took to get this one out, this week has just been super hectic! 
> 
> Back to near daily updates from here on out

“...... And as we're crossing border after border  
We realize that difference is none  
It's underdogs who, and if you want it  
You always have to make your own fun...”

I’ve immersed myself deep enough in this article, on this guy’s coming back story, that I don’t even hear Mikal coming in through the front door til she comes to find me, scrolling away at my laptop, in the study.

I jump slightly as she rests her elbows across the back of the computer chair to greet me.  
“Hey, Z”  
“Hey, you” I chuckle at the smirk that fills her face, as if she’s planned this. “How long you been here?”  
“About two minutes, give or take.” She glances toward the stereo across the room, then back to me. “Really, Zia?”  
I look toward the stereo, pretending to be surprised. “Oh is that what’s playing? I hadn’t even noticed”  
“Smart ass.” she snickers, under her breath, and then kisses me.  
“Mmmnn, that’s what you love about me though.” I tease when she stands back up.  
She playfully roughs up my hair a little. “That’s what you think.”  
“Isn’t it?” I call after her when she walks back out of the room. She doesn’t answer and the echo of Luna’s food hitting her bowl, as Mikal pours it, echoes through the hallway.  
“I know it is.” I say aloud, to the empty room, returning to my scrolling.

I browse around for another few minutes or so, before closing out of my tab and clicking my my laptop shut to go meet Mikal in the living room. 

She’s parked herself, horizontally, across the couch, flipping through the TV channels, when I come to join her.  
She pulls her legs up, to make room for me, once she looks up and spots me. I take my spot, sitting exactly opposite to face her, and glance briefly at the TV. “Anything good on?”  
She shakes her head. “Not so far, anyway.”  
“...you know there’s a TV guide for that purpose, right?” I tease.  
She tosses a couch pillow at me, which I block with the other one.  
“I like to SEE what’s on” she laughs.  
“Fair enough, I guess.” 

She finally settles on a TV station and adjusts the bottom of her shirt over her, slightly more noticeable, bump.  
I smile a little. “You think of any names yet?”  
Mikal, breaking her trance from the TV, “the what?”  
“Any names” I repeat, snickering. “For the baby? Think of any yet?”  
“Ohh” she chuckles. “That” she smirks a little. “Maybe....you?”  
“I might have an idea or two brewing”  
She laughs. “You make it sound like we’re making a stew.”  
I raise an eyebrow at the word choice.  
“What?” she asks, before realizing what she said. “Stu? Mnn mmm” she shakes her head.  
“Not good?” I chuckle.  
“Not unless we’re naming Family Guy characters now.”  
“Well technically that’s Stuey” I smirk, emphasizing the EY at the end.  
She smacks me playfully with another couch pillow.  
“How many pillows do you have over there?” I laugh.  
“Not important.” She smirks.  
“How bout Eugene then?” I tease.  
“Don’t make me hurt you” she says, trying to stifle a laugh, and immediately searching for a new pillow.”  
“With what? You’re out of ammo.”  
“I’ll find some.” she claims.  
“Sure you will.” I smirk. “Alright, what have you got?”  
“Ainsley?” she suggests.  
“Ainsley” I repeat back, considering it. “I like it.”  
Her face lights up a little. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah.” I confirm. “Put it on a list, we should have some back ups.”  
“Back ups.” she repeats. “What makes you think Ainsley’s the front runner?”  
“Because I’m not hearing anything else but you shooting down mine” I tease. “Prove me wrong, let’s hear some to give Ainsley a run for its money.”  
“Alright, I will.” She laughs. “Gimme a minute.”  
“You said you had a few.” I remind her, trying half seriously to sound annoyed.  
She grabs a previously thrown pillow off the floor and gestures as if she’s about to hit me with it.  
“How bout Zoey?” she finally suggests, still giggling.  
“Awfully close to Zia” I point out, smirking slightly. “That intentional?”  
“Maybe” she snickers. “Maybe not though.”  
“Well I like it, regardless, add it.”  
She looks around for a minute for something to write with and shrugs. “I guess we’ll just make mental notes of them for now.”  
I shrug back. “Guess so.”


	19. Patterns

“...Mmnn mmm” Mikal insists, shaking her head. “No way”   
“What? It’s a name?”   
“I still don’t like it. And with a Y?” she sighs. “Are we really gonna be those parents?”  
I roll my eyes. “Fourth one you’ve shot down, but alright. Myles is out.”  
“It was never even in.” she claims, standing up off the couch.   
“Gonna see if there’s a better name in the kitchen?” I tease, when she walks in that direction.  
“Ha haaa” she says. “I’m grabbing some juice, want something?”   
“Well, some names you agree on would be great, but I’ll settle for a coke” I smirk, even though she can’t see it.  
“Coke sounds more likely!” she calls back.  
“Coke, it is, then!” I chuckle.

She returns with her juice and my coke can, which she hands to me before sitting back down.  
“....so you seriously won’t even consider Ryder?” I attempt again, from earlier, only half serious.  
“No, Zia.” She sighs.  
“Why not? It’s close enough to Ryker, which you said you liked.”   
She rolls her eyes. “Alright, if it means that much to you, fine. We’ll put it on the list, wherever it goes from there is out of my control though.”  
“I’ll take it.”   
“I mean it” she says, a little more firmly.  
“Gotcha.” I reiterate. “And who knows, next week, you might change your mind. The other day, you hated the name Jocelyn, but today it made near the top of the list.”  
“Don’t count on it.” She smirks.  
“Yes, Ma’am” I tease. She swings another, small, pillow at me in response.   
“Alright! Alright!” I laugh, putting my hands in front of my face. “I give, I give.”  
She snickers, proudly, and puts the pillow back down. “So, names.” She says, returning back to the original subject.  
“Yes....names” I chuckle. “Would you care to offer some acceptable ones?”  
She laughs and then thinks about it for another minute. “......Zack.” She finally suggests.   
“You have a weird fascination with the first letter of my name.” I tease, given this is about the fifth suggestion....including naming it after me, that she’s raised since this discussion started.   
“Jocelyn wasn’t a Z name.” She reminds me.  
“Jocelyn barely made the cut, and J is starting to become a pattern too. The other two you suggested were Jamie and Julien.”  
“I just like the names.” she tries to claim.   
“If you say so.” I snicker. “Zack’s good, make a mental note of that one.”   
She smiles. “Noted.”  
She scoots a little closer to me on the couch and I put my arm around her, as she rests her head on me.   
“You know, we still have a few more months.” I remind her. “We don’t have to come to a decision right this second.”   
That gets another laugh out of her.   
“It’s good to start talking about it though.”   
“Well, it could be, if you would quit threatening me with your pillow stash.” I tease.   
“I should hit you with another one, just for that comment, but I can’t reach them and I’m too comfy.” she teases back.  
“I’ll take that as a win.” I snicker.  
She tries to keep herself from smiling at that. “You’re the worst.”  
“I know. How do you even put up with me?”   
“I’m still trying to figure that out.” she giggles.


	20. Some Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallelujah!! Finally a chapter! 👏🏼
> 
> I SWEAR, from here on out, chapters are gonna be a lot more regular!

Many pillow related fights/threats/and close cushion calls later, we’ve finally narrowed it down to the last few and started bouncing said final candidates off one another as we started to decorate the room we cleared out for the baby.

“You know.” I say, carrying in one of the bags of stuff we’d bought earlier. “I guess I could get on board with the name Greyson, ya know? I think I was a little too hard on it.”   
She shakes her head “Please don’t.”   
“Don’t what?”  
“Don’t get on board with it.” She answers, sort of snickering. “Could you hand me that bag?”   
“Sure. But, but why about the name?”   
She takes the bag of clothes we’d gotten and starts putting them away, in the dresser she’s standing in front of. “Because I kind of hate it now.”   
My eyebrows raise. “You HATE it? I was the one who felt that way, remember? I said it sounded like we had a grey son, and that’s how we came up with his name.”   
She chuckles. “I remember, I remember....I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it anymore.”  
“Not feeling it, you just said you HATE it.” I remind her.  
“Alright, I’m VERY strongly not feeling it, you happy?”   
“Very” I chuckle. So Greyson’s out then?”  
“Yes.” She giggles. “Yes, Greyson’s out.”   
I pick up the notepad I’ve been jotting them down on and pen a nice, bold, strike through Greyson on the list. “No....ooonnn Greyson.”   
“You found a notepad.” She observes.  
“Yeah.” I chuckle. “In the study, where we keep a lot of stuff to write stuff down with, you should check it out sometime.”  
She tries to hold back a laugh. “Don’t be a smart ass.”  
I stick my tongue out at her.  
“Anyway, what are we down to now?” She asks, picking up the other bag and taking the stuffed animals out of it to arrange them.  
“Aaa....uuuummm....” I mutter, reaching over for the notepad which I had just set down. “Ainsley, Jocelyn, Ryder, and Quinn.”  
“Great.” She says, coming over to me. “So how do we narrow down from those?”  
“Coin flip?” I suggest.  
“A coin only has two sides, Zia!” She laughs.  
I pull a quarter out of my pocket and turn it around in my fingers, as if I’m inspecting it. “They do? ......huh, supposed you’re right.”  
“Gimme that!” She laughs, snatching it away from me.  
“Nooo” I whine. “That was miiinnne.”   
“Too bad.” She smirks.  
I roll my eyes. “I meant multiple coin flips, you know. Heads and the boy name is x and tails if it’s y, and so forth.”  
“Alright” she chuckles. “Suppose that’ll work.”   
“Perfect. Now gimme back my quarter, it’s for the greater good! Our kid’s name is at stake!”   
“Fiiiine” she sighs, defeatedly.  
“Thank you....now...” I set the coin into position. Boy name....heads for Ryder, tails for Quinn.”   
“Let’s do it.”   
I flip the coin up into the air, from my thumb, smacking it to my arm when it comes back down.   
“Tails.” I reveal, when I pick my hand back up. “Quinn, it is. Still sure about Quinn?”   
“Yes.” She reaffirms. “Yes to Quinn.”  
“Alright.” I say, picking the coin back up, after drawing a strike through Ryder. “Girl name, then. Which for which?”  
“How booouuut, Heads for Jocelyn, tails for Ainsley?”  
I flip the coin once again, slapping it down when it comes back again.   
“Tails again.” She notes.  
I draw another strike, this time through Jocelyn. “So Jocelyn’s out then.” 

“Finally, some progress.” She sighs of relief.  
I nod back, going in to kiss her. “Finally some progress.....hallelujah.”


End file.
